If you nurse a baby for long enough, it’s inevitable that someone will comment: “What?!! You’re still breastfeeding??!!” It’s happened to me about a billion times in the last four years. Up until my baby turned two, I would always calmly inform the person of the WHO’s recommendation that all babies continue nursing until at least two years of age.
After two years it got harder… After awhile people stopped asking and I stopped nursing in public.
I met up with a few toddler and preschooler nursing moms this week and have been thinking about nursing older kids ever since. What struck me is how sad it is that all of us are doing the normal thing by nursing our kids, but somehow society has made us feel like social outcasts. Comments such as “I try not to nurse in public so much anymore”, and “I tend not to talk about it with anyone else” should not have to be made about something as normal as breastfeeding.
Felicie nursing her toddler
Why are folks so uncomfortable with the idea of an older child nursing? Nobody seems to feel that way about a two or three year old sucking on a pacifier or having a bottle at bedtime!
A retired La Leche League leader that I have a lot of respect for used to say:
Nobody starts off nursing a toddler, everyone starts off nursing a sweet little baby and that sweet little baby turns into a toddler (and then a preschooler!).
That’s the way it was for me… I was determined to nurse for six months, then one year, then 2 years, etc. I just never had a reason to stop. Plus, through my reading of just about every book on the topic, I started to understand that children are meant to be breastfed for years, not weeks, or months. If this sounds strange to you, you should read Katherine Dettwyler’s work .
It’s odd that in our society so many people will start breastfeeding and then wean around six months to formula, before starting cow’s milk at a year. If they consider breastmilk to be necessary for the first six months of life then how can it not be necessary for the next six months if formula (the replacement for breastmilk) is? And then how can cow’s milk become a vital part of a child’s diet, but human milk be totally disregarded? It doesn’t make any sense.
I once read that people who breastfeed for a long time don’t usually refer to it as breastfeeding, but as “nursing” instead. It becomes more than just nutrition. Nursing a toddler means that you can calm a cranky two year old instantly, you get to hear them make up a silly name for nursing, you get to watch them run away from you to explore and then come back to you for comfort, and you get to watch the intense pleasure on their little face as they relax in your arms.
As Jack Newman writes:
Possibly the most important aspect of breastfeeding a toddler is not the nutritional or immunologic benefits, important as they are. I believe the most important aspect of breastfeeding a toddler is the special relationship between child and mother. Breastfeeding is a life-affirming act of love.
Read the rest of Jack Newman’s article on toddler nursing.
Any thoughts? If you nurse an older child are you comfortable doing it in public? What are your thoughts on breastfeeding past two?
Felicie is a teacher turned work at home mama to two busy little angels, aged 22 months and 4 and a half years. She is a proud member of La Leche League Canada and has helped to organize three World B[..]
How do you deal with the teeth???
Children don’t suck with their teeth. I’ve nursed three children, one to 15 months, one to 21 months and now my third is almost three years old. The only time I’ve ever had to deal with teeth is when they were teething as infants and would sometimes bite down for comfort. Certainly with an older child you can make it clear – and they can understand – that there are certain things they’re just not allowed to do while nursing.
But I completely relate to the feeling that nursing an older child is not acceptable in public. My son regularly runs up to me to announce “me want boob!” in public and I’m embarassed like I never was with my infants. Mostly it’s because of the reaction when people see me nursing him in public: stare, drop jaw, look away. I didn’t get that reaction often when nursing infants.
I find even those who should be understanding of the benefits of breastfeeding like other nursing moms and those in the health profession are judgmental about extended nursing.
Thanks for writing this Felicie. It helps to hear from other moms to know us toddler and preschooler nursing moms aren’t weirdos! Raising the public profile of breastfeeding in general is great!
I breastfed my preschooler until she turned 2.5 years old. I would have gone longer if I didn’t have to go back to work, and that is when my supply went down :*(. I usually asked people around me(my friends) if they minded if I nursed my daughter(we were in public). No one minded. In my circle of family, and friends it was just a normal thing to do, or should I say, a normal thing for me to do when I was with them. I will do the same thing with my son as well. My daughter’s friend at the daycare weaned at 5, so although rare to see, it is done here and it was wonderful. My parents were and are extremely proud of me for extended nursing, and I look forward to nursing my baby son for as long as I can.
Felicie, good work!
Great to hear from all of you! I think a lot of people wonder about the teeth thing. Like Dara said, babies don’t use their teeth to suck. My wise cousin (who is also a breastfeeding mama)compares it to adults drinking from a straw (we know not to let our teeth get in the way!). I think that’s a great analogy. Both of mine went through a period of biting around 8-10 months. I dealt with it by keeping my finger near my breast, ready to pop them off if they did bite, and giving a very firm “NO!”. They both got the point pretty quick.
As for nursing in public, I know it can be a hard thing to do. I think we can all agree that toddler nursing needs to be seen in public if it is to be normalised, but it is VERY hard to be one doing the nursing. Especially hard when, like Dara said, even people you expect to support it (like doctors and nurses), don’t. I’m so glad to hear that Donethat has found family and friends to be supportive. Any ideas on what can be done to make it more normal in the eyes of the public and the medical profession?
I’m tandem nursing my 3.5 y.o. and my 3 month old. I think most people (family and friends) have stopped being shocked by it. If anyone else comments now I say, “Why would I wean him? He’s only three!” We’re not even at the world-wide average for weaning (which is just over age 4). Do I nurse him in public though? Very rarely. And it is because I don’t want to deals with stares and comments.