I had decided before our first child was born that I was going to breastfeed. My son arrived one week past my due date and I was more than ready to begin life as a new Mom.
I had absolutely no problem with breastfeeding while I was in the hospital. I even remember one nurse saying that I looked so comfortable feeding my son that she would have thought I had done it before. Boy, how quickly things changed!
It might be "natural" but it's not always easy.
A few days after I got home my nipples got very sore and began to crack and bleed. To make matters worse, all my little baby boy seemed to want to do was feed. I thought I was going to go crazy. I shed a lot of tears both because of the physical pain and the mental anguish I was experiencing.
One day I decided to go for a long walk to clear my head. When I returned my parents and husband were standing in my living room and they all said “give it up”.
How easy it would have been that day to introduce formula. I had a free can of it sitting in my fridge that I received in the mail. But, I couldn’t give it up.
I am a dietitian. How could a dietitian not breastfeed! Wasn’t I supposed to practice what I preach?
I said to my family, I will try for another couple days and see if it gets better.
It didn’t.
So, I decided to try for a couple more days, but it still didn’t get better. I continued to set the same goal every couple of days until one day it did get better. My son was 6 weeks old before I could truly say that breastfeeding was working not only for my son but for me too!
I am now pregnant with my second child and am planning to breastfeed again. I am keeping an open mind knowing that things do not always go the way you think they might. However, I feel I am ready for what challenges lay ahead. Who knows, maybe it will be much easier second time around or maybe I will try everything possible to make it work and it won’t.
Yes, maybe it won’t.
As a breastfeeding advocate I am realistic and know that breastfeeding doesn’t always work out for everyone, no matter how hard they try.
And here lays the divide: it is an unfortunate reality that there is often a lack of mutual respect for those who breastfeed and succeed and those who did everything in their power to breastfeed and didn’t succeed.
Mothers who have successfully breastfeed can sometimes come across as preachy, being viewed as dictators with self-righteous attitudes by those who did not succeed. In turn, mothers who were not successful at breastfeeding are sometimes shunned and looked down upon for not trying hard enough to make things work. Or they will sometimes insist that breastfeeding is not something anyone should try.
All mothers want what is best for their children. All mothers know that breastfeeding is best; we’ve all heard the benefits! What we all need to do is support the physical and emotional challenges all breastfeeding mothers face and respect the decisions that mothers will ultimately make.
Note from the editor:
Over the next couple of weeks we will be featuring a series of posts from families whose breastfeeding journey has not been as smooth as for some. Some of the moms have supplemented; some have replaced breastfeeding entirely with formula; some have managed to continue breastfeeding exclusively.
When reading these posts, I’d like you to think about how we support breastfeeding families and what can be done to provide adequate and timely support for all mothers in their infant feeding choices. We’d love to hear your suggestions!
I’d also like you think think about what “failure” and “success” mean when breastfeeding and if these are the appropriate words to use. Approximately 65% of Newfoundland families choose to initiate breastfeeding. Only 10% are exclusively breastfeeding to six months as recommended.
About the Author
Lori Warford-Woolgar is a Registered Dietitian with a Master’s Degree in Nutrition who lives in St. John’s, NL with husband Robert and 3 ½ year old son Dylan. Lori, Robert and Dylan are anxiously awaiting for the newest addition to the family to arrive in early February.
photo credit: rkimpeljr via photopin cc
This was a great post – as yes, it isn’t always easy for everyone and sometimes, as in my case, not possible at all. Yet, there is judgement in all cases, when in reality it should be judgement free. Period. Thanks for writing Lori.
I think it is important to stop judging mothers who are unable or even who choose to not breastfeed. We don’t know the circumstances, but merely see a bottle and judge. My first child was breastfed and my second will be formula fed due to a medical condition I’ve developed. I require medication that is expressed in breast milk and considered dangerous for an infant. I have cried over this, not only because I won’t be able to breastfeed, but also because I know the judgement I’ll face from peers. And it’s ridiculous. More support for all moms, please. We’re all just trying to do our best.
Very well said, Lori. I found the first year as a new mom very challenging emotionally — mainly because I set expectations for myself that we’re too high. It’s refreshing to hear from other moms that we’re doing the best we can.
I tend to think of myself as a breastfeeding advocate too. It was tough for me to recognize that my breastfeeding experience with my second son wasn’t as blissful as with my first. There were many days when I didn’t think I would continue to nurse. Since I was very attached to my first son, I found it difficult to be away while I troubleshooted blocked ducts, mastitis, cluster feeding, etc. Over time the family found a groove… but it was hard to admit to my husband that my passion for breastfeeding was faltering.
Hearing stories about difficulties has helped me balance expectations. I am thankful when other families are willing to share their challenges. Dara, thankful for giving us a voice.
Your early breastfeeding experience sounds very similar to what I went through with my first child. And though we had issues with our second baby, I didn’t experience the pain or cracked nipples the second go-around. I hope you have a much better experience this time.
And if I can speak to the judgement issue for a second…before I had children I judged. A lot. I thought moms who didn’t breastfeed were horrible moms. There. I said it. I was a Judgy McJudgerson. But as with other parenting topics, I now say, “I was the best mom in the world until I had kids.” Even though I personally wouldn’t choose to formula feed, I have absolutely no idea what may have led another mom to do so. So I withhold judgement. It’s not my place. And I realize that often, the mom has faced enough judgement from within herself. We are our own worst critics, for sure. These days, I simply do what I can to promote breastfeeding, and to support moms who come to me looking for information and support.
And speaking of support…can I just say that no one “fails” at breastfeeding. We, as a community, fail to support breastfeeding. We can promote breastfeeding all we want, but what good is it if we don’t support it?