Today’s guest post was submitted by a woman who works in breastfeeding support in her community. Although she has chosen to remain anonymous for the sake of her daughter, her story is familiar to many mothers. If you’re struggling with an abusive relationship, there is help. People like our guest poster have been in the same place you have and they have hope to offer you for the future.
I was a mom in an emotionally abusive relationship when I had my first baby. In addition to the manipulation, baby’s dad did not support me in breastfeeding. He continually suggested formula feedings and eventually moved out of the bedroom when he decided he was not getting enough rest having baby in the bed during feedings.
I could not leave her home with him as he would track me down whenever she cried, telling me she needed to eat.
In the end, this did lead to a very strong relationship between my daughter and I. She was a very high-needs child: bright and curious. I finally gained the courage to leave the relationship when she was 7 months old, moving home with my parents for a year to save enough money toward the purchase of a small home.
Throughout our stay with family we finally had the support we were so desperate for over the previous 7 months and breastfeeding continued. I moved into my own home, worked shifts as a nurse and continued to breastfeed with the support of my family and friends. Breastfeeding offered my daughter and I a feeling of safety and security.
I believe she felt secure her needs would be met as a result of the closeness we shared. In a way, she always knew where “home base” was after a particularly difficult day or night. To this day we continue to have a close relationshipeven though she weaned at 2 ½ years of age – 10 years ago!
I was a single mom when I met my best friend and husband, who was also a single dad. When we became pregnant one ofthe first discussions we had about this new little family member was about breastfeeding.
I stated “so, this baby will be breastfed” and he replied “well, yeah, how else would we feed a baby?”. I was completely overjoyed at his response! The next thing I said was “you know the baby will end up sleeping in our bed a lot right?” and his reply– “well of course! Where else would she sleep?”.
I knew then that things would go much better this time. Over the years I have watched this man support me and our children in so many things, not just parenting and breastfeeding. He is such an avid supporter of breastfeeding that he offers help to people who call for assistance if I’m not home: he knows how many wet and dirty diapers to look for; what a good latch should look and feel like; how often baby will likely feed; and the importance of skin to skin! Breastfeeding families who have encountered his help over the years chuckle, but say they have been happy he was able to help them get the reassurance they needed, especially in the early days.
Oh wow, you are so brave…I’m so sorry that you had to go through this! It’s hard enough to have a new baby and have all those emotions going through your head when your partner IS supportive, let alone when he’s trying to undermine your breastfeeding efforts. Thank you so much for sharing your story, and I’m glad to see that you’ve found someone who will carry the load with you this time around!
Ditto Jen. Breastfeeding (and parenting in general) is hard enough when you have good support! It’s wonderful that you persevered. And I think I love your husband (enough though I have no clue who he is!).
Thanks for sharing this experience with us. You have surely touched many with your honest and frank discussion of your two very different partner relationships and their impact on breastfeeding.